It seems we are about to fall off the “fiscal cliff.” Didn’t we already do that? What happened in 2007 and 2008 when the value of our homes got cut in half? What was that? A fiscal speed bump? A fiscal slap on the back of the head? Whatever euphemism you want to use, falling off the fiscal cliff is a pretty short drop for most of us after that.

What was it when we had to bail out the banks and the auto manufacturers? A fiscal parachute that failed to open? Falling into a fiscal wood chipper? Buying the fiscal farm? Eating the fiscal puffer fish? Choking on our own fiscal vomit? Failing the fiscal physical?

Boy, if we fall off the fiscal cliff, horrible things will happen. That college I already can’t afford to send my kids to will raise its prices. That used car I already can’t afford to buy will be even more expensive.

If we jump on the fiscal hand grenade, if we stick our finger in the fiscal electrical socket, if we touch the fiscal third rail, people who are out of work now will still be out of work. How will they even know we hit the fiscal bridge abutment at 100 mph? Unless someone tells them, they won’t notice much of a difference.

If the fiscal dam breaks, if the fiscal China syndrome occurs, if the fiscal cherry bomb explodes, if the fiscal pandemic spreads, if the fiscal Waterloo arrives, how will the people whose homes are already under the fiscal water be able to fiscally tell? They still won’t be able to pay their fiscal bills.

It’s almost as if you can make anything sound bad by putting the word “fiscal” in front of it. Don’t eat the fiscal breakfast burrito; the fiscal “Three Amigos” wasn’t as funny as they told me; don’t bring home a fiscal report card. But people who lost money when Lehman Brothers, AIG and Citigroup tanked won’t know if they’re getting fiscally waterboarded. Things will be pretty much the same for them.