The unspeakable grief of the Collier family was alleviated for a few hours. Norwich head basketball coach, Tom Collier, raised the warmup shirt of his late daughter Krissie toward his wife and family after the Tornado made a miraculous comeback Friday night at the Broome County Veterans Memorial Arena to win the school’s fifth Section IV championship.
The warmup shirt served as reminder for Tom, whose daughter suddenly - and tragically - passed away May 31 last year, just 3 1/2 weeks before her 20th birthday.
Basketball was one of the many bonds Tom shared with his daughter. A lifelong sports lover, all of Tom’s children - Brian, Ali, and Krissie - played varsity sports for Norwich High School. Like most parents, Tom delighted in his kids’ achievements whether it was on the playing field or in the classroom. A basketball coach for over 20 years, Tom broke with conventional wisdom and preferred to not coach his own kids whenever that was possible. As a longtime volunteer in the Norwich AAU basketball program, sometimes coaching his son or daughters was unavoidable. When it came to the Norwich High School teams, Tom happily sat in the bleachers watching games like any other supportive parent.
Tom had a philosophy when it came to coaching your own kids. He knew through experience that it is difficult to coach your son or daughter. All eyes are fixed on the coach/child relationship be it in practice or in the game. Will the coach be perceived as too hard or too easy on his child? That is a difficult balance to strike, and many coaches err on the side of treating their flesh and blood too harshly. Discipline aside, the son or daughter has also heard the same messages from his coach/father for years. At some point, it’s natural for the child to just tune his parent out.
Tom recognized those dilemmas, so when he coached Norwich’s AAU teams over the years with longtime friend Tim Foote, the two of them would trade off coaching each other’s sons. “When you get someone else to coach, (your kid) is more apt to listen and respond better, even though they’re hearing the same message,” Foote said of the parent/child coaching relationship.
Tom’s son Brian was a standout player for Norwich High School for three years, and helped his team win a Section IV title. A couple of years later, Ali joined the Norwich varsity girls team. She was a key reserve as a junior, and was poised to start her senior season. Before her senior season, Ali decided not to play. Tom, and his wife Mary, fully supported their daughter’s decision.
Four years ago, before the 2008-2009 season, Krissie, a returning starter at point guard for the Norwich varsity, decided she was through with basketball, too. She went to early-season practices, but was not enjoying herself. Again, Tom and his wife were supportive. Tom told me (and I am paraphrasing), “If she isn’t having fun playing, I don’t want her to play.”
It’s not often the child of a longtime coach will have the courage to tell his parent that he doesn’t want to play - especially the sport that his parent coaches. It is the natural inclination of any child to please his parent. Tom and Mary fostered a relationship with their children in which their children comfortably and confidently made important decisions.
