After much consideration, I believe I’ve finally found my dream job. You know what I mean, that cushy, well paid, stress free position that comes around once in a lifetime. Even better is the fact that this particular job – unlike so many others – requires absolutely no accountability whatsoever, you can perform at any level and (what’s best) at the end of the day, it doesn’t even matter if you did the job right, you still get paid.
Talk about job security.
Yes, after carefully weighing in on the perks, benefits and apparent lack of responsibility necessary on a day-to-day (or night-to-night) basis, I’ve decided I’d like to be a weatherman. Professionals in this field, of course, have a fancy name for what they do – meteorology – which, as far as I can tell, means I-don’t-have-a-clue-what-I’m-talking-about-but-pay-me-anyway.
In all seriousness, though, what’s so hard about reporting the weather? There’s little to no research involved (and with Google at your fingertips, the concept of research has been completely redefined), all you have to do is show up on time, dressed in suit and tie, and have no fear of the camera, and then – of course – be able to convince people your an expert on something that’s completely unpredictable.
To put it simply, I’ve seen mind readers with a better batting average than your typical weatherman.
Personally, I’ve never understood our fascination with the weather, considering you can’t watch the morning news for more than five minutes without the latest weather update. And in this day and age, we even have 24-hour-a-day cable television networks devoted to the topic, which begs the question, who the hell wants to watch the weather for hours at a time?
As for me, I don’t waste my time with weather reports, because that’s exactly what it is ... a waste of my time. How do I get by, you ask? How can I possibly survive without keeping up-to-date on the latest meteorological findings?
I’ll give you a hint ... I look out the window.
I know that sounds completely illogical, but it works, it really does.
White stuff falling from the sky? Well, if it’s cold out, then it’s probably snowing. If it’s 70 degrees on cloudy, spring day, it could be the advent of nuclear fallout, in which case ... why worry, right?
Going outside for a little stroll and the sidewalk is wet? In moments my hair (what’s left of it) is plastered to my forehead? It’s probably raining. Either that or the neighbor just installed the mother of all sprinkler systems.
Trying to start the car and – for some odd reason – the door won’t open, it’s frozen shut and the engine refuses to turn over? It’s freezing out, therefore I should probably have a coat on.
