Two 16-year-olds were talking about how much they were enjoying the third season of “True Blood.” I’d heard about HBO’s hit show. But what’s so special about vampires? As if we don’t have enough scary stuff going on in the world: wars, floods, famine, the economy, oil spills, Bristol Palin dancing and hurricanes. We need vampires to scare us?
I have nothing against vampires, zombies, werewolves and shape-shifters, (I do, however, have a serious beef with wood sprites), but the success of the unreadable and unwatchable “Twilight” books and movies made the prospect of sitting through a TV show based on another series of bloodsucker books very low on my list.
But “True Blood” turned out to be a different kettle of blood. I am addicted to it. First of all, this is not a show about vampires. This is a show about hot, sweaty, high-definition sex. And lots of it. I cannot name an X-rated film with as much skin as the average episode of this toothy wonder. The fangs and the bloodsucking are just there to keep small children from getting bored. This show is doing for sex what “The Sopranos” did for whacking, what “Deadwood” did for swearing and what “Dexter” is doing for serial killing. It’s brought TV sex out of the closet and into the family room where it belongs. Who doesn’t want to sit in front of the 44-inch LED TV and explain what priapism is to the grandkids and why it’s so funny/sad/terrifying and age-inappropriate?
“Granddad, what are washboard abs?”
“Granddad, why are they wrestling naked?”
Of course, like everything else on TV, it’s fake sex. It’s fake in the same TV way that everyone who works in a TV hospital could also be a runway model and every coffee shop waitress can live in a $4,000-a-month apartment. It makes you wonder if anyone who writes for the boob tube has ever been to a hospital or a coffee shop. Still, the fake sex on “True Blood” is blisteringly hot. The lead characters, who have been wrestling naked on the show for two seasons, have just gotten married in real life. I can imagine the first night of their honeymoon.
