Dear Maggie,

My father passed away four years ago. He died unexpectedly at fifty, and it rocked our entire family. But most especially my mother. And now, four years later, she’s still in a state of despair. She drinks a lot. She cries all the time. She says she has nothing to live for, and I’m beginning to resent that, because she does. She has her kids, and she has our kids, her grandchildren. She has a beautiful home, and a wonderful life. But she’s throwing it away. What can we do to help her get over her grief and begin to live again?

Signed,

Frustrated Son of the Eternally Despondent

Dear Frustrated,

First, know that this is your mom’s issue, and not yours. She is the only one who can decide when she’s ready to move on. Happiness is a choice, not a condition, and right now she’s choosing grief instead. It’s her call, and as maddening as it can be to those who love her and want her to do better, no one can force her to.