Dear Maggie,
I’ve fallen in love with a man who’s been lying to me ever since I first met him. For months, we’ve worked together, and from his first day on the job, there was an attraction between us, on both sides. We flirted, and things seemed to be progressing. We started going out for lunches together, and eventually dinners, and soon an affair ensued.
But things never progressed any further, and it was only recently I found out why. He has a girlfriend. A live-in, serious, girlfriend. She came to my work one day when he was off, waited for me to get off for lunch, and confronted me in the parking lot, in tears. She’d found out about our affair and was devastated.
Maggie, I am mortified. I would never, knowingly, break up someone’s relationship. I think women who do that are the lowest form of pond slime. Naturally, I assured the girlfriend that I didn’t know about her existence and promised I intended to end my relationship with her man for good. And I did just that. And I’m looking for another job so I won’t have to work with him anymore, but so far the boss has been very understanding about putting us on different shifts, so our contact is minimal. I think he’s trying to work things out with his girlfriend, though I think she’s nuts to keep him.
My issue is, though, I’m still in love with him. I don’t want to be, and I know it will end in time. My question is this. You’re always saying you can focus on someone’s good qualities, ignore the bad, and make a relationship work that way. So what if I focus on this guy’s BAD qualities, and ignore his good ones, will that make me stop loving him faster? I just want to get over him and stop hurting.
Best,
Broken Hearted
Dear Broken Hearted,
First, here’s a big inky hug from me. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Thank goodness you found out the truth before things went any further, and you made the break, which was exactly the right call. You don’t want tie yourself to a liar, unless you look forward to being on the receiving end of his deception later on.
