Dear Maggie,

I’m really unhappy in my job. It’s the same old drudgery, day in and day out. Boring work, that doesn’t seem to mean a lot. I do a good job, but so could a trained monkey. I don’t feel like my skills are appreciated, but then again, what’s to appreciate about what I’m doing? Like I said, anyone could do it. So I get up dreading going to work, and spend the day wishing I were somewhere else, and go home depressed that I know I have to go back again the next day. I love your messages (both here and on your website and blog) about being positive and making your own happiness, but how do you do that when you’re forced to spend your days doing something you hate? In this economy, I can’t quit. The pay and the insurance are too good and I have children to support. What would you do if you were in my shoes?

Signed,

Unhappily Employed

Dear Happily Employed,

(See what I did there?)

Okay, so you wrote me this note and in it, you pointed out all the negative things about your job, but as you got to the end, you found two positive things to say about it. It pays well and the insurance is good. Those are two very important things.

If I were in your shoes, I’d stop focusing on all my gripes about the job and start focusing on the positive things about it. And I’d start looking for more things to like about it, and adding those to my focus as well. I’d totally stop myself every time I caught myself complaining, outloud or in my head, about my job.

When you tell the same story over and over, it becomes your reality. The current story you’re telling is that you are stuck in a job you hate. That’s probably your main topic of conversation with everyone you know—how much you hate your job and how you can’t possibly leave it. If you want to have a new reality, you first need to begin telling a new story.