Dear Maggie,

I’m having problems in my marriage, and I just can’t see a solution to it. You see, I’m a very fervent supporter of Barack Obama for president, while my husband is 100% behind John McCain. We’re both extremely interested in politics this year, so we watch the debates and the polls and the news coverage. And then we discuss what we’ve just seen. But our discussions always end up getting heated and turning into fights. We end up angry with each other every night. Now I’m having doubts about everything. How could I have married someone who seems to feel exactly the opposite way I do about every single important issue? It feels like I’m seeing this side of him for the first time in our five year marriage. He was never into politics before. I’ve never been this angry with him, but I just can’t undersand how he can be so thick-headed and unable to see my point of view on these mattters. The man thinks Sarah Palin is brilliant, for the love of God! Is he brain dead? Have I married a moron? What can I do to get past this? I’m afraid that after the elections are over, the rift between us will remain. Honestly, I’m not sure I can ever respect him again.

Signed,

Flustered and Furious

Dear Flustered,

It’s not that you don’t understand why he can’t see your point of view. It’s that you don’t understand why he won’t agree with it. Those are two very different things. You’ve got it into your head that you can’t be happy unless HE changs his HIS opinion. You’re trying to control him, and that’s just not going to work. Nor would it make you happy anyway. That’s your job, not his.