Dear Maggie,

First of all, I love your books!

As for my problem ... A few years ago, my husband and I reconciled after a three-year split. We’ve been happy – for the most part – and we’re now expecting our second baby.

During our time apart, at some point a really good female friend of his whom he’s known for years admitted to him she was in love with him. Mind you, this woman is married and had three kids at the time – now she has five. She even told her own husband (poor guy) how she felt about mine during a fight they were having. Since it all blew up, she is always sending my husband lovey-dovey text messages and cards and buying our son presents. She begged my husband not to get back together with me, but he did anyway. He told me all of this himself. Even though we got back together, her behavior hasn’t stopped.

I really don’t think anything ever went on between them, mainly because if he’d wanted her, he could have had her instead of getting back together with me. He claims he’s told her to cool it, but she won’t. What irks me is that I think the situation is entirely inappropriate and it makes me uncomfortable. There is always that thought in the back of my mind that if we ever have a really big fight or something, he knows he has somewhere else to go ... and maybe the only thing stopping him is the fact that she’s still married and has five kids. I would be happy if he would terminate all communication with this woman, because even though they have known one another since they were very young, she crossed a line. He refuses to sever contact because her father and her uncles are his best friends and he can’t just cut her out. They all know about this now, which is very embarrassing for me. And I found recent evidence that instead of trying to get her to stop, my husband does nothing but egg her behavior on (yes, I was snooping; it’s so hard not to when you’re dealing with this!).

Because she is such a close friend of his, she expects to be at EVERYTHING, like my son’s birthday parties, or any functions we might have, and I cannot stand her. It drives me insane, and trying to discuss it with him at this point dissolves into nothing but an argument. He thinks it’s all harmless and I’m letting it get to me too much, while I’m ready to unleash all the wrath of my raging pregnancy hormones upon BOTH their heads. If I had some guy chasing after me like this, he wouldn’t stand for it.

Do you have any advice for me?

Sincerely,

Pulling My Hair Out!

Dear Hair-Puller,

This isn’t your raging hormones. You’re not being unreasonable. Infidelity isn’t just physical. It’s emotional too. He’s cheating on you by placing this woman, and her uncles and her father, above you. He’s hurting you to accommodate them, and that shows you where you stand in his list of priorities.

It’s your house, and your son, and you have every right to say who can be at family functions. On that, at least, you can put your foot down. And there’s no earthly reason he can’t cut her off without cutting off her father and uncles. That’s bull. You can’t control him, though, and the problem isn’t her. The problem is him. He’s the one who promised to love, honor and cherish you. She didn’t promise you anything, and her marriage is her own issue.