Instead of wasting time talking about ways to scare or kill off the large, creepy crow population in the City of Norwich, we could be banking our future on it. But we’d rather chase off the last good thing – using trained falcons, no less – that’s ever happened to this town.
Why? Because we’re worried about our image. Worried that crows – mostly because they’re obnoxious, gross and widely characterized as a symbol death – will be what finally buries Norwich. (So it really wasn’t a lack of vision and general complacency?)
The truth is, our real image is cawing at us from right under our noses (actually from the trees above, from where our image also drops what many believe to be an arrant squirt of toothpaste when they first notice it on their shoulders). We just have to embrace it.
Like it or not, crows right now are our biggest claim-to-fame, and not to mention our biggest natural resource; like coal is to Pennsylvania. And like coal, crows are black, dirty and worth a fortune. How are they worth a fortune? Tourism. Don’t believe me? Just imagine seeing this “mysterious getaways” spot on the Travel Channel: “Next on our list is Norwich, NY, one of the most mysterious, scariest places to visit on earth. Here, satanic birds, for no apparent reason, terrorize, horrify and poop heavily on hardworking, God-fearing citizens just trying to live regular lives in this once-normal, now cursed town. For the off-the-beaten-path-type traveler – with its modest accommodation and adventure packages – this place is a steal.” You’re going to tell me people wouldn’t come from all over after seeing that footage and hearing that pitch? It’d be like “Field of Dreams,” except not as touching. And not only would they come, they’d spend a lot of money, too, on crow-themed tours, crow-themed lodging, crow-themed restaurants and crow-themed souvenirs. (Possible souvenir shirt slogan: “That’s not toothpaste on my collar, I just spent the night in Norwich!”) The city could become a real-life Hitchcock movie every day of the year. Sure, people would be finding enjoyment in our misfortune – but who cares, it’s revenue!
