Imagine yourself watching an infomercial on TV. Then, imagine watching yourself in an infomercial, on the screen, cheering like an idiot for some jerk who’s demonstrating how easy it is to spit out spicy mango chutney with a salad shooter. Scary, huh?

That said, here’s something to think about: what sort of people make up an infomercial audience? Who could sit for an extended period of time looking mystified and life-changed by a live OxiClean demonstration?

The answer: Losers and people that are forced to, say numerous experts in a number of fields.

You’ve no doubt heard these infomercial crowds before, chanting “set it and forget it” like a bunch of bloodthirsty zombies. You’ve listened to them “ooh” and “ahh” over the One Touch Can Opener as it unleashes a family-size tin of fruit cocktail (without any dripping or spillage of that wonderful syrup).

Does that seem like normal behavior? Why would they act that way?

You’ve also seen them clapping, laughing and nodding furiously in approval after some loud Australian guy showed them how to hold back their uni-brow growth using the “Luma Tweeze” (side note: Aside from playing the mouth harp and tossing boomerangs, I’m told Aussies are also really good at marketing American products, such as the beloved “blooming onion”).

Have you ever been overcome with joy watching someone else scale back unwanted hair growth?

The fact is, no persons of sound mind and body would subject themselves to such torture under their own free will (Personally, the only way I’d ever participate in an infomercial audience was if; A. I lost a bet; or B. My family was being held hostage and their lives depended on it).