Where do these television writers get off? That’s my money they’re trying to get – money that I worked hard to get. Who has to scream at his personal assistants to get the littlest thing done, like getting me a Kennedy Center honor? Who has to worry about their Malibu house, their Beverly Hills house, their Palm Springs house and their Aspen house? The writers? I think not. Writers are lucky if they have one house. What have they got to worry about?

They don’t have to find a captain and crew for their yacht. They don’t have to find a chef and a personal trainer. They don’t have to support a team of accountants and lawyers. That’s why I get paid the big bucks. I take care of all that. That’s the trouble with writers – it’s all about them.

It’s producers like me that put in all the long hours trying to figure out how to take the garbage the writers give us and turn it into something advertisers will pay for. If it were up to the writers, all of television would be full of junk like “Masterpiece Theater” and “The Sopranos” instead of “Deal or No Deal” and “When Sharks Attack.”

It’s the producers who are responsible for what you see on television, not the writers. Think about it, who do you think picks all the writers? If I want another cop show, you’re going to see another cop show. If I want another doctor show, you’re going to see another doctor show. What have the writers got to do with it?

After I pay the actors, the camera operators, the set designers, the sound and lighting crew and the grips, there’s barely enough left over for my limo, my pool boy and a my table at Osteria Mozza.

Who has to sleep with all the starlets? It’s us, the producers. How else would we know whom to hire? Doesn’t anyone remember that old joke, “Did you hear about the starlet that was so dumb she slept with a writer?” It was true in the ‘20s, it’s true today.