Our server at the Ciao Down Cafe has just placed a little, shallow dish of olive oil and a basket of different types of bread on our table. We’re supposed to dip our bread in the olive oil because if there’s one thing everyone needs right before dinner, it’s some nice oily bread. We would never eat oily bread before dinner at home or tell the kids they can’t eat dinner until they finish their oily bread, but restaurants seem to think we want it.

The real reason they serve it is so that you’ll have something to do with your hands before the real food arrives – a good idea when you’ve got a bunch of bored people sitting around a knife-festooned table drinking the local vino.

The bread is free, of course, which means it’s not free at all; it means they’re charging you more for something else. Why not? If you’ll pay $11 for the handmade squash ravioli, you’ll probably pay $12 without much squawking. I can usually tell how expensive a restaurant is by how many “free” things they offer:

• A tablecloth: + $3

• A paper tablecloth: + $5

• A candle on the table: + $1

• A flower on the table: + $1

• A menu on the table: + $2

• Lots of children’s seats: + $5

• Servers wear T-shirts with logo: + $1

• Servers wear black pants, white cotton shirts, skinny black ties: + $6

• If the restaurant is on a pier or docked boat: + $3

• If that boat plans of moving: + $10

• Visible kitchen: - $4