Well, I’ve learned my lesson.

It took about four-hundred visits, but I finally realized – after receiving a little bit of scale-shock – that the Chinese Buffet (thank God they don’t serve breakfast) isn’t the best place to kick-off a new diet campaign (it is, however, the best place to get a plateful of crab rangoons and Little Debbie Ho-Ho’s). Luckily I saw the error of my ways early. I’m still young and have got enough time to wait until technological advances get rolling to the point where exercise will no longer be necessary to live a healthy life.

Other people haven’t been so blessed. They’ve had to not learn their lessons the hard way.

Paris Hilton was sentenced to 45 days in L.A. county lock-up recently for violating her probation. She’s reportedly “distraught” and “traumatized” by the ruling. I would say Paris is learning that crime doesn’t pay, but considering that crime’s cousins, sleaze and smut, have already paid her pretty well – plus the fact that she has a nice long break before going behind bars – leads me to believe that between publicity and high priced appeals she’ll find a way to come out smelling like roses (not literally).

Then there’s Ronald Dagget, 43, of Syracuse. Earlier this week his sixth DWI conviction landed him in the state pen for at least the next 20 years, if not the rest of his life, because going to prison five other times – and at one point even killing someone – wasn’t punishment enough for driving drunk. I’d say now Ron understands the gross irresponsibility of his behavior, but what’s spending twenty more years in his favorite home away from home – for breaking a law he obviously doesn’t care about – going to prove?