New Jersey and Georgia. Only now is the shocking and awful truth setting in that my Mega Millions ticket was purchased elsewhere.

Hopeless. Distraught. Angry. How would you feel if you took one shot at $370 million, put everything on the line, and lost. You’d be devastated, just like me. But it’s like my Parole Officer always says, “when the get-rich-quick train to early retirement gets derailed, hop back onto the track and keep dreaming.”

So, let’s give the long road back to easy street one more try!

First things first. There isn’t a more painful Mega Millions-induced e-mail than the one where you grovel and beg for your job back. Suck it up, take it one keystroke at a time, and pretend to be sincere.

“Dear Boss, I am truly sorry for telling the entire office over the intercom that – after Tuesday night’s lottery drawing – you’d be pumping expensive gas (from a station I owned) into my new Dodge Viper by Friday. That was said in the heat of the moment (remember, I had just lit up my cubicle with Zippo Fluid) and it was totally uncalled for. I’ll admit it, I’m not as lucky as I thought, and acted somewhat foolishly. But I’ve paid my dues, plain and simple. And if there is a lesson that can be learned from all this, it’s to not count all your chickens before they’ve hatched (even if the eggs popped out of a golden goose, or so I thought). I’ve forgiven myself and am ready to move on with my life. The question is, are you?”