Welcome to the National Hysteria Museum here in Washington. Our tour will take only a short time. After that you may wander among the exhibits. Or spend time re-examining one of the hysterias we touch upon on our tour. And yes, we will finish at our Global Warming exhibit. Everybody’s favorite.

We begin with our Nuclear Weapon Hysteria section. This stoked up hysteria in this country in the sixties. People in England and the continent went over the edge in their ban the bomb demonstrations. Here we settled for a goal of a bomb shelter in every yard. At any rate, hundreds of millions figured we’d all snuff it within a year or so.

Here we have the Population Scare section. Some of you middle-aged folks will remember this hysteria. Many books. Lots of authors touring the western world and scaring the daylights out of us. One of the more effective hysterias, our experts tell us.

The gist of it was that the planet could not support the teeming billions who were going to be born. Yes, sir, it does seem a bit quaint now. Most of the hysterias in here do. As for population, well, the birth rates are falling dramatically around the world these days. And the percentage of people living in abject poverty keeps dwindling. In other words, the hysteria was unfounded.

In fact, the way birthrates are moving, world population will start to decline in a few decades. One of our directors feels we should plan ahead for a Shrinking Population Hysteria section down the road.

Here is a special room devoted to Howard Ruff. I’m sure we’ll have one for Al Gore in future. Howard managed to scare the hell out of a few hundred million. With his books and tv shows he convinced them America was about to plunge into horrible depression. And hyperinflation. And famine. Within twelve months, would you believe. That man knew how to sell books and newsletters.

He inspired millions to hoard their silver dimes and tablewear and head for small towns. To store up dried food and build shelters. Howard had the number one best seller for a while. That was toward the end of the seventies. Lately he’s been trying to buy up copies to get it off the market. It makes him look such a fool today. We have to keep our copy under lock and key.

Here is a room devoted to predictions from gloomsters. Paul Erlich has his own corner over there. Call it a shrine if you like. He created mini-hysterias in the sixties and seventies. Huge selling book, “The Population Bomb.” Big lecture tours. Millions of followers.