“We at the Obsession Clinic clinic would like to welcome our latest patients: Sen. Clinton, Sen. Obama, Gov. Richardson. Would you mind taking your seats behind ex-Sen. Edwards and Mr. Giuiliani?
“As you can see, our group is growing quite large. I’m sure we will welcome more patients in the next few weeks.
“Now, all of you have been referred here by your psychiatrists. This is their attempt to help you understand this obsessive compulsion problem you all share. This need you have to constantly run for office. Everyone in this group is running for the White House. The election for which is, dare I say, nearly two years away.
“For those of you who are in office at the moment, a small joke. Whassat, senator? Oh, I wasn’t referring to your office as a joke, sir. Forgive me. No, I have a joke for you.
“The old jewelry store owner was dying. His six children were gathered around his bed. He asked whether each of them was there: My beloved daughter Julie? My sterling first son, Nathan? My beloved wife, Elizabeth? After he had been assured each of them was with him he shot bolt upright in bed and shouted ‘Well who in the hell is minding the store?’
“I tell this joke because some voters ask the same thing about you. Their elected officials. For twenty months you will be running day and night for the White House. You will be raising money at every turn. Yet you were elected to be senators and representatives and governors. You are paid to be such.
“I have a feeling you will never ask yourself the question. Addicts never do. So I will ask it. On behalf of millions of voters, I ask you: Who in the hell is running the store? You will tell me you delegate the work to your staff. I’m afraid that is a pathetic answer.
“Do you believe in your heart that an employer would allow you to do this? If you were a CEO would your board of directors be happy to pay you? While you traipsed across the country, gobbling rubber chicken luncheons and kissing babies by the thousands? Wouldn’t they ask ‘Who is running our store?’
